another tiny apes

who cares? i choose to bitch, u can choose not to listen

2009-09-28T12:02:00.004+08:00

for months, i kept having the urge to update my blog. i had so much to write that i dun even know where to start.

it's amazing how life can do a fast twist and turn.

but after all these months, i am officially announcing this:

screwed it. i dun care if anyone reads it and get upset by my words.

or thinks i am a bitch and do nothing but whine.

or feels that an alien kidnapped the old apes and replace it with another replica that has no feelings.

shouldn't this be a venue for me to rant? so why should i even bother how other would feel?

like i said: i have made my decision to bitch. u can choose to ignore.

2009-04-20T18:46:00.003+08:00

because of what happen last year, i kinda dreaded "the day" coming.

i waited for almost 6 hours before u turn up and act as if it was no big deal.

i voiced out my unhappiness and u told me not to be petty.

we join the rest like usual. squash & mj

and that was it.

my mum promise me she would make my favourite dishes on that day.

and she called to cancel cox she's afraid that my nephew is hungry by the time i come home for dinner. and the whole family ate without me.

and that was it.

i dun need fancy dinners, huge parties or expensive gifts.

i just need to feel that whatever action u take, it comes from your heart.

and that was it.

the beauty of it all

2009-04-06T14:19:00.007+08:00

finally. a quiet moment in the office.

it hasn't been exactly been that peaceful recently. the tension in the office makes one go crazy. and as usual, i have been warned that it's a strict no no to rant in the blog.

sad to say, i dread coming to work.. dun get me wrong, i love my job.

just that the aura in this place has turned into a nightmare for one to step in.

and the rate for your blood to boil is so freaking fast that it really takes a strong heart to enter into this place.

the only consolation is to knoe that pple are still willing to listen to my rantings.

it's just simply a great relief to have great friends to remind u that it's worth every single moment to be alive.

and i would have to thank God for blessing me with true friendship instead of beauty. hahah.

talking about beauty. i almost choked to death when i logged onto my facebook this morning to find my younger days pictures posted up by my buddies.

imagine in the older times when there ain't any digital camera! they actually scan in the hard copies!

and these pictures that i have never thought i would get to see it for the rest of my life brings back great memories!

in actually fact, i didn't even remember taking it before!

but it really cracked me up. to see how amazingly "nerdy"n "naive" looking i was back then.

hahaha, so pple here's a sneak preview of how i look:

and just in case u couldn't recognise me, i am the one on the right.

well, go ahead and laugh. cox even i couldn't resist giggling non stop when i saw this picture. and joelyn looks like a princess next to me!

but hey, despite looking like that i actually had suitors!

hahahah, it also means that i have an "irresistible charming side of me" that attracts despite of my ugly appearance!

It's beauty that captures your
attention; personality which captures your
heart.

2009-03-13T17:51:00.003+08:00

just came back from a family trip outing in taiwan. it's been close to 2 years since i last travelled. been looking forward for a break to seek for a direction.. i really needed one after all that happened.. but i realised i couldn't.

somehow or rather, i dun feel happy. regardless it's my worklife or my love life, i can't seem to find a reason for me to be happy. dun get me wrong, i am very grateful and blessed with good friends and family.

but recently i feel empty. really empty inside. with no directions and intentions towards my life, i felt like i am just passing each day as it is with no drive at all. i seem to have lose passion in many things. i begin to bottle my emotions to myself.

these days, i would rather spend time hiding in my room. believe me, i know this is not the solution to it. but it brings me comfort to a certain level. i can not lie and tell u i am not in depression. i am. i kinda lost my trust in things i do, pple i used to believe in and even the fact that i can acheive much more in my life.

i need a motivation. and i am still trying to look for it. i am tired. i need a good charge up to look for positive things in life. somebody help me. please

2009-02-10T10:20:00.003+08:00

CNY came and pass. plenty of good news to start off the new year. besides TK and Mel, Sam & Wendy are getting married this year end too! that's makes it the 4th wedding i would have rsvp this year!

on top of that, Desiree and Dennis just announced their latest addition to the "D" family- Dominic! not forgeting the celebration of jeraymin's baby girl Odelia"s 1st year bdae!

Gosh, time really flies. seems like everyone is ready to settle down and here i am at a crossroad still thinking of which direction to head to..

meantime, i shall be helping out at my auntie's place (http://www.artnroses.sg) selling flowers on valentine's day. hopefully Cupid will spot me there.

2009-02-03T17:06:00.002+08:00

life is never fair.

and i so tempted to lock my blog so that i can really rant. or at the very least i have somewhere to vent my anger on.

otherwise take the Dorrin's footsteps. take the risk then end up shutting the site down.

i am already trying my very best not to curse and swear during CNY. pple say it's not good luck to argue.

but hey, u expect me to keep quiet when i gana informed of a 35% pay cut just before CNY? WOW. HOW thoughtful.

i couldn't even tell my mum the truth else she will insist that we shouldn't go for the family trip and "the rainy day has come".

thank GOD for giving me a sister that helps to plan ahead and make me start saving for it since last year. else i would never forgive myself for disappointing my old darlings at home.

i am so "eating grass"..

a new start

2009-01-13T12:52:00.002+08:00

2008 came and left.

not a very good year for me... fell down the stairs, failed in my relationship, having issues with my work life..

but generally, i ended my year with a fresh beginning countdown at the church. for the first time in life, i actually felt contented without doing the countdown in a club. perhaps it's the age or the focus of my life has changed?

when pple ask me what's my new year resolutions, i could really think of many.. but eventually i only want to be myself and be happy.

in life, u gain some & u lose some..

thank you God for blessing me with good friends and family that stood by me over time.

2008-12-10T15:48:00.004+08:00

recently i have been getting the bad vibes..

my past came back to haunt me.

both of my deep dark secrets that is supposed to be locked were released.

and they are attacking me at the same time.

because of him, i was reminded of the pain and hurt.

because of them, my head just hurts so much when i see bad flashes of the past as i learn more.

after years. my heart stopped when the car drove past them. it maybe a split second that i saw the looks on their faces...

but i will NEVER FORGET.

then i learn something new today. it's like GOD is telling me this:

You have to have the bad days to APPRECIATE the GOOD ones

2008-11-26T13:00:00.003+08:00

this is really bad. i mean we all know that the economy crisis has already hit hard..

and it has arrived at my doorsteps. my client called this morning that they are planning to put the project on shelf till further instructions from their upper management..

hopefully by later quarter next year.. which means all the hard work for the past few months is only justified after that.. which means my fat bonus is going into the lokangs.. which means i am free till chinese new year unless there's a miracle.

next bad news is my other client is doing their reinstatement job. which means we have a project. but it's the LAST project cox they are closing the regional office in Singapore. And that's my 2nd client winding up their office in Singapore within 3 months..

and heard news that a friend "volunteer" to leave his job without his bonus else he will be asked to leave for "poor performance". that poor fellow slogged hard to his current position, trained in US and the only thing he could do is to leave in peace since his renowned Japanese restaurant has already closed the US branch. and news of them closing up more branches in Singapore is already on the way.

what else can i say? no matter how bad it is, i have to stay on. regardless. i am so going to endure.

2008-11-17T11:23:00.002+08:00

i am having monday blues..

had to drag myself to work this morning..

despite changing like 9876543210 times, i still feel like a buffalo..

my eyes are almost half closed as i type.. the workload has piled up but i am just so watching it rather than doing it..

fact that chele and her hubby are in japan visiting zhu makes me wish that i am on a holiday too..

maybe i should take a nap in the office and dream for awhile..

uncommon beauty

2008-11-12T16:22:00.003+08:00

isn't it irony that life can be strong but fragile when shaken (vice versa)?

it's just like you need water to survive but it can also drown you to death.

i watched a documentary yesterday. i shudder and could hardly sit thru it.. i was going : "oh my god.... arghh... heartache..." throughout the entire show..

it is about this malaysian lady who was attacked by a jealous admirer who couldn't get her attention. she was a single mother who worked as a night hostress to raise her son.

the sick man attacked her with a chopper slashing her more than 22 times all over her face, head and body. it was just pure smeared blood and flesh everywhere. and yet that animal did not stop. he poured boiling water on her to watch her suffer in cruxifying pain..

the doctors could do almost nothing to save her from rotting away.. the infections were so bad that maggots eating her right eye..her face was multilated beyond how a human could look..

with barely a 30% chance of survival, it was a miracle that she managed to go through the ordeal. the journey of recovery was worse than the darkest hell.

But she didn't die. She refused to die. This extraordinary woman lives to inspire us, and tell the world, proudly, in her own words, "I still celebrate the fact that I am alive".
her life will no longer be the same. just like her face. but she found new courage to not just live, but exploit her misfortune to help others. she gave talks and even wrote a book called: "uncommon beauty"

it's so horrifying to even imagine what's she's gone through...
using the name of love, he tortured and destroy someone that he proclaims he admires..
for jealousy, he turned himself into a beast..

isn't it irony how one yearns for love but will turn into a monster when not given?

p/s: if i am ever murdered, u know who's the main suspect...

2008-10-29T15:32:00.002+08:00

when was the last time i update? could hardly remember.. besides my life is getting so monotonous and i doubt anyone would be keen to find out more.

been so called "single" for the past close to 5 months.. was supposed to "see the light" and head for the right direction so that my life would be happier.

unfortunately, i dun see that happening.. i seem to be constantly falling into the grey area where i am neither not moving forward nor taking a step back.. i am just STUCK. the feeling is like quicksand. sinking down. maybe not in a very fast motion but definely sinking..

i didn't regret making the decision to call it quits because i would probably end up in a worse situation if i didn't voice out.

perhaps it would have been easier to walk away if the drama is about him abusing me or cheating behind my back. the issue i have is much worse than this! and i really have no idea how to solve it.. to stay or to leave? to try or to give up? so confusing...

i hate this feeling.. when can i snap out of this... arghh...

are you too complacent in what u have?

2008-09-02T15:14:00.004+08:00

you choose to lie instead of expressing your true feelings

causing me to sob in silence, tearing my wounds that i was trying to lick to heal

you protected yourself from getting hurt, not realising that you pierce my heart in the process..

you wanted me to be fair and reminded me of the efforts you put in for me.

but were you fair in the efforts that i made for you?

you seem to forget the reasons that caused me to leave.

and now you blame me for walking away.

you took for granted the love and trust i had for you

and yet i have a responsibility to remind you to build it back.

every moment i think of it, i would never understand how a man that loves you so much is also the same man that cuts u so deeply.

2008-08-25T14:20:00.003+08:00

this gal has lost her confidence and seek peace in hiding.

she thinks that by hiding in her bed, her world might change for the better. she knows that it is a form of denial and she wish she could snap out of it too.

but at the very least her pillow can bring her the the only comfort that will not fail her, will not bitch behind her, will not mock her.

she choose to walk away not because she doesn't love him anymore. or to look for another greener pasture. she just simply wants to heal the wounds that is so deep that till today it hurts.

she doesn't need sympathy. this old lady just needs time because she's lost and she has to find her answers.

the hurt is deeply than you think..

Yangie bdae

2008-08-13T16:30:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the delay in these pictures.. went for the pre celebration for yangie's bdae dinner at Alexandra Village and after that went for a "chop chop" durian session at 4 season's durian cafe! guess it's was the fastest durian eating session ever cox it started raining and we hardly had any shelter! happy belated bdae again yangie!

*smile* click* prays to strike toto* smile*click* blows* mission accomplished

couples in da house!

2008-08-13T16:28:00.000+08:00

after dinner bdae boy suggest that we eat durians for dessert! Nobody says NO to bdae boy so off from AV to still road 4 seasons durian cafe! there was like 20 of us?

all separated into different cars as it starts to drizzle on the way. i was like the last few to arrive in kev's car and by the time i reached it was erm... POURING!!!! that tiny lill shelter can hardly contain all of us! nevertheless, it can not stop us from feasting!

Caught in the act! sam> u should sell lu lian instead of bah kwa!

who are the gluttons? caught!

2008-08-13T14:43:00.002+08:00

See! first take by Tk shows that yangie umbrella is only sheltering himself!

After much complain, yangie switches the umbrella to my side! hahaha u can stand under my umbrella, u can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh

case of the missing keys

2008-08-13T13:31:00.003+08:00

i lost my keys.

yes, i know it's a typical thing for an apes to lose her keys but she usually finds it back!

but this time round, my keys really just "poof" and disappear into thin air.. and since last week!

i only discovered it like last Friday when i didn't have my keys to open the office doors.

you see, my home keys and my office keys are bundled together.. so when my dad opens the door for me when i go home in the night, i safely assumed that it's in my bag...

Asked my dad. got scolding. asked my mum. got another scolding. searched dom's car. nothing. searched kev's car. also nothing..

despite recalling where it is and searching for it high and low, i just can't find it!

sometimes the harder u try looking for something, u can be sure you won't see it even if it's right in front of you.

i have duplicate an entire new set. and now hopefully i can get the same key tag again..

2008-08-05T12:41:00.005+08:00

my time seems to zoom pass me.

there are so many things to do and yet i just simply wana drop everything.

there will be times when i feel that i am just following the crowd and moving on with time.

Other times i will just snap back to reality and start to hang out with friends and pretend my life is normal as usual. let's recap what i did recently (in no particular order) :

went singing with beng and jaz.
celebrated mitch's bdae
saw the sunrise in east coast with kev
helped beng choose bdae present for dad
be a volunteer for a charity walk at fort canning
went butterfactory
did a new pair of glasses cox my eyesight is getting from bad to worse
had a potluck at cuzzie erik's place- "durian tiramisu" was rated not too bad
burger party at kev's house
Jas and TK's bdae dinner
mj session or was it sessions?
doing my auntie hubber stunts at watson's mega sales
"match making" session at karaoke
thai disco (yes, i dun believe it either)
"strip" so that i can remeber the pain
Sing fest at fort canning (special thanks to jason for making it happen!)

my memory is slowly lapsing into the recycle bin where i can hardly remeber what i did for these weekends. it took me a very long time to stare at the calendar and recall the list above. and they are jumbled..

more to come:

collection of altered dress (gathering dust at the shop for months)
shopping for gifts that were long overdue..
yangie's bdae dinner
boat trip!
Kelong "strictly no man" party
eyelashes perming/ brows trimming
Flashing of "Qimong" / IPL underarm
cleaning of room (which is like a legend)
bladding
connections with GOD
celebrating National day
girls night out for return of ice queen
more match making sessions and hopefully no more thai disco!

despite all these, i feel kinda empty. and i know i haven't been there when u need me the most.. i'm sorry.

when was the last time i've seen u?

when was the last time i spoke with my heart?

when was the last time i can type freely and express myself?

i dun remeber. which is why i say i am a lousy friend.

but i do know that having a blog and not being able to pour my frustrations freely is a horrible thing!

2008-07-24T18:08:00.002+08:00

i can't take it anymore. i can feel that my behaviour is getting weirder by the day. i freak out at every tiny lill thing that happens.

i dun understand wat is wrong with me. i just wana tuck into a corner of my bed and pretend i dun exist. i no longer picks up calls.. i believe this is the start of my freak out days..

i freak out when i was at his house the other night. he fell asleep at the sofa and i was just staring at him. the familiar sight was just unbelievable pain to me.. i could hardly breathe and ended up sleeping in bed sobbing in slient.

i felt a fear in my heart. it felt like being in a place that you are so used to but yet feel like a stranger.. i realised it's has nothing to do with him. it's just me who can't deal my own emotions anymore..

i could no longer grasp what's in front of me. it's like a child that wouldn't dare to step near to the edge of the pool once almost drowned before..

everything just seems so overwhelming. and yet the only thing i could do is just be vulnerable and fall into pieces..

if it's not for all of you that held me close when i fall, i would probably be worse than now.

if it's not for him who gave me patience all these while, i might not even be able to stand up anymore..

if there's no love, there would be no hurt..

happily ever after

2008-07-09T16:38:00.015+08:00

do u believe in fairy tales?

the "lived happily ever after" couple?

the knight that will rescue the princess from the horrible dragon that eats everything?

the magic true love kiss that transform the frog into a prince?

that wakes the sleeping beauty from the deep sleep?

that turns the beast into the handsome prince?

i used to day dream that i get to be that princess who just got lucky and falls for a man..

who will do nothing but protect the princess and see her as the only important woman in his life.

that he would fend off all nasty monsters that bullies her.

would kiss her passionately while holding her in his arms tightly.

would cherish and love her till "happily ever after".

i know i am not the prettiest, the hottest, the smartest.

but i wished to be loved the way every woman desired. that her man would only see her in his eyes.

and let her know that she is more important than anything else in the world.

that you can feel that he really wants u when he hugs and kiss you.

be it rich or poor,

good looking or ugly,

fat or skinny,

an ogre or a prince,

he just need to be the knight in my heart..

meantime, i shall be in the fortress waiting for the right one to lift the curse off me and rub the magic love dust so that i can live happily ever after too..

2008-06-30T16:17:00.002+08:00

there are times when u feel down and lousy..

i keep getting these times recently..

i felt so f*cked when i forgot to buy medication for my mum.

i felt so f*cked when i didn't go church.

i felt so f*cked when my grandma couldn't recognised me.

i felt so f*cked when i should have clean my room but i choose to hide.

didn't really feel like going to work but didn't have a choice.

didn't feel like doing anything but hide.

i slept till my head hurts more than my heart..

where is my rainbow after the rain?

wedding party at rochester park

2008-06-24T18:07:00.007+08:00

Round 2 of wedding celebration: Rochester Park.

lovely place with plenty of food and wine.
at least not a typical banquet where it's more relaxing.

he even got polarid cameras to keep the guest entertained while waiting..

i was told to reach early so that i could help out at the reception again.

but they apparently didn't need my help cox the reception was over flow with helpers.

chele was late as usual and didn't make her appearance till food was served!

so i tot maybe i could start eating coz i was starving!!

but dinner wasn't served till late.. just like a typical banquet..

so while waiting, the nice waiteress keep offering me drinks... and more drinks..

i had almost a bottle of white on my own before dinner was served!

My elder sis and bro in law. small fart didn't tag along cox it was an "adult affair"

i used to tag along when my cuzie erik goes clubbing with his friends. and that's how my bro in law got to know my sis too. hehehe. after 8 years before i get to see them again!

George. one of the brothers that used to "take care" of me. my godma's god son. hhmmm.. that makes him my god bro?

Chele and her beau. going to be the new member in our family on 27th Dec. and he knows i will be guarding the gate so he's extremly nice to me!

Typical pose with my favourite female cuzie chele! the one that speaks in japanese when she's drunk!
Erik's mum aka my "godma". alot of pple says that i looked like her more than my mum. and for her age, her figure is to kill!. and she swears by YOGA! i doubt i can do yoga but i am pretty sure she is what i wana be when i grow older!!

shh..... no freaky japanese when u are drunk!

long live cuzzies forever!! *if only zippy is here...

wedding on friday the 13th!

2008-06-23T13:00:00.007+08:00

introducing my favourite male and female cuzzies: Michele and Erik

one is younger by 2 years (though my grandma insist she is older..hahaha)

one is older by 1 year.

BOTH are getting married this year.... more like one had already started his tan tan life..

attended Erik's wedding on 13th June 2008 (friday the 13th!!!) & 14th June 2008.

yes he had like 2 days of celebration with the typical chinese banquet on 13th and a friends party on 14th.

i guess he would rather choose to have more fun with his friends and colleagues separately and yet pacify the parents with the banquet for the family and relatives.

me, being the relative and the hip cuzzie was invited for both!

thanks to erik, who insist that his banquet comes with a "shanghai night" theme. and for the sake of my favourite male cuzie, i went to the extreme of going for a "makeover" to suit the theme!

the not completed spize girls (from left: michele, apes, celindra and zippy)

different pple just have different looks when wearing cheongsam. ..

chele freaking look like some chun li waitress and i look like those 1960s shanghai mamasan/ songstress!

but my elder sis apparently still looking younger and hot mama of one!

it would have been completed if zippy had wore a cheongsam which she insist that rather not else she would like a "jin gang" barbie..

chele's wedding coming up on 27th Dec.. No themes please!

Chele was trying her luck to get some fluffy fans to do some gimmicks just for erik. she touched down on the actual day and went over to chinatown to search high and low for it! in the end she managed to get 4 red fans with the words xi on them.

4 red fans from chinatown: $20

summons for double yellow line in barely 10 mins for these fans: $50 (ahahaha)

efforts made for this wedding: priceless!

For the new tans tans: it takes alot to be walking hand in hand for the rest of your lives..

so better treat her like u never before and dun take her for granted

or ma ma will punch u again!

May God bless you both with a blissful and happy marriage.. welcome to our family biao sao!

maybe

2008-06-12T16:11:00.002+08:00

i choose to walk away.

from a step to marriage to a path that i decided that i would like to walk on my own for a while.

not because that he is not good enough for me.

he has never failed to make me laugh.

he has never stopped loving me.

it's just me who has changed.

perhaps i didn't have enough faith.

perhaps i didn't have enough hope.

perhaps i didn't have enough love.

perhaps i didn't have the courage and the strength to walk thru it cox i was hurt along the way and the wound is too deep to recover for now.

perhaps my heart has closed.

perhaps my heart has changed.

YES IT HURTS

2008-06-09T12:46:00.002+08:00

i supposed this blog will suddenly become the "most visited" blog because of what happen to us recently..

to the rest of the pple who' s asking:

YES. i am taking a break from my current relationship with my bf.

YES we are facing issues here.

YES it hurts alot for the both of us.

So please stop asking him. let him have a peace of mind. when he is ready to talk, he will approach you and pour out his feelings.

And beng. the poor fellow has to take care of both side plus pple trying to get the full story.

there was no blame in any of the above. between kev and me, we are grateful that there are so many pple who are concern. it means that we have been popular and well- loved. but please give him the space and continue to shower him with the love and care u guys have. be there for him. dun be there cox u want to hear stories.

my younger sis told me this and i find it meaningful:

Search for serenity to accept the things we cannot change

seek the courage to change the things that we can

find the wisdom to know the difference.

faith, hope and love is what that will keep us strong.

have you ever?

2008-06-04T15:32:00.002+08:00

* Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so hard
You can't sleep at night
Have ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, Have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Repeat *]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta do to get your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world'
Coz baby I can't sleep

2008-05-20T16:35:00.003+08:00

haven't been in the best of moods recently... i feel so lost and confused at this point in my life..

alot happen recently... things just dun seems to be going on smoothly.. and my life just go tipsy turvy specially after my bdae.. guess the age has slapped me in the face with alot of truth:

where am i heading to in terms of career? isn't time for me to upgrade myself before i get too complacent? he is already making it pretty obvious that he will drop me like a hot potato the minute i can't commit to his requirements... so what if i am promised a profit sharing? as long as i dun see it in black and white it's as good as a dream....

where are my directions in my love life? i dun deny that i am facing issues with my relationship. and the thing is i dun have an answer after 4 1/2 years... i can't seem to find a reason to convince myself that i am ready to continue. .

am i just being negative? or am i just too tired to try out anymore? is my heart dead? in the beginning i felt the energy sucked away from me, making me so empty... from laugh ing to crying out loud... why do i feel nothing now but weak and numb?

am i running away from reality and hiding instead of facing it? why am i such a coward to face it? am i really a failure? perhaps too much disappointments and too many questions that i can never answer makes me so drained that i just wana hide and hope the bad things will go away... though i know it will never happen......

i feel helpless... i could do nothing but watch.. it's like sand slipping through my hands... no matter how i grasp it just keep falling....

i think i need professional help.

would you like it if it's you in the cage?

2008-04-24T17:51:00.006+08:00

was watching a tv programme that day.. it made me realised that there might be inconsiderate pple around and GOD created beautiful pple to balance the ugly act of the society..

it's about this Architect that could have easily earn thousands each month but chose to take time off to work on the homes of the poor moon bears that had been saved from bear farms.

these bears were locked up in a super duper small cages for ages.. can u imagine being cooped up in a cage smaller than a cabinet for 20 years of your life? they are kept there with injuries as pple poaching them for their bile are considered legal!!! . in order to prevent attacked by the bears claws, these heartless mankind actually cut off the bears's fingers so they dun have to trim the nails frequently..

majority of these bears that were rescued ended up in either dead or mentality issues. when the bear keeps moving to and fro in small steps, it's is as if he is doing a lovely dance. but the truth is he is still in the illusion that he is still stuck in the hell's cage and he needs to move in this manner so he knows he is still alive.. i couldn't help but cry as my heart crings when i saw the clip.. in the bears graveyard, these bears were given lovely names and a proper burial.. a name and date to remeber them as being individuals rather than just nothing but a product that pple make use of and kill it after that..

how could pple be so inhuman to do things like that? they may not be human but they are animals that deserve a chance to live their life too..

spread the love and GOD bless those poor souls...may they rest in peace..

log on to : www.animalasia.org to read more on it.

ten years

2008-03-29T14:43:00.002+08:00

it's been ten years since he's gone..when erik called me in the morning, i trembled..

i couldn't decide if i should go.. i felt the pain in the heart even after ten years..
the memories, good and bad... started to flood my mind..

after all, there were many first times with him..

my first time drinking coffee and grew to love it..

my first time going to the field and catch grasshoppers

my first time to fix a jigsaw puzzle

my first time to learn how to play chinese chess and those marble games..

he was my handyman who could fix anything in the world

he was my favourite part of every weekend cox i knew he was waiting for me diligently..

he was my teacher who taught me about life.. the good and the BAD

he was my joy but yet the one who brought the darkest secret and pain in my life..

he was the one who made me realised that the closest to you is also the one that can hurt you the most.

i loved him but hate him to the core for changing my life totally, making me into a person with split personality....

i tot i would have let go after he passed away... at least that was what i whispered to myself at his deathbed..

i tot i have forgiven him for the hurt he has given me since i grew to be sensible..

but i couldn't face him at all today.. i couldn't... i felt all the hurt and pain coming back after twenty years...

it hit me very badly that THE PAST, no matter how well u hide it... no matter how deep you stash it away in your heart, it will always have the ability to come back and haunt you....

from 8 years old to 18 years old to the turning of 28 years old..... it's ten years of torment, ten years of missing him..

i am trying.. really trying not to be affect at all.. GOD give me strength and let me learn to love but not hate for afterall, IT'S over since he passed away.... but the mental torture will come nak haunting you once in a while....

2008-02-27T13:38:00.004+08:00

Dear lord,

would like to repent for my sins. i ate too much junk, drank too much wine and did too lill work. worse of all, i gamble alot!

i nuah and nuah and refused to wake up to my senses..

i can't help but ask myself what i have done to deserve love from you. i did no good thru out and yet u choose to stick by my side. thank you for staying at my side regardless how lousy a person i am.

i love you and will learn to be a better person...

the ah tor queen emerges again..

2007-12-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

i am such a horrible person. i did it again. (*looks guilty*)

the year before last was Ivan.

last year were Gary & David

this year is Yang, Hanny and BF

I AM REALLY SORRY

not only did i make a scene, i cried like a baby too.

i felt very emotional.

maybe it's because 9 years ago, i caused my best friend to be paralyzed on a Christmas Eve.the fact that i can drink and party while he sits on a wheelchair forever made me crappy.

Maybe the fact that my company is splitting up and it will be the last time i give my boss2 his christmas gift. After all, i worked with him for at least 6 years.

Maybe i felt that i was taken granted by someone and it affects me alot.

Maybe i have been too tied up with work that dun have time to do many things.. turning alot of outings down but yet pple are forgiving..

i neglect alot of love ones around me..

like my family who dun even get to see me during this period.

the only time i have with my mum is to watch her sleep..

like my bitches who will give me time just to hear me nag and cry while i couldn't even afford to be there when they need me.

i never knew i was so AFRAID of losing our friendship. but i know that our friendship IS STRONG.

like my darling bro who would do anything but forsake me even though i threw my tantrums at him.

like all my other friends who still send me greetings sms despite me giving them the "kite" treatment.

like the rest of the world who chooses to forgive this clumsy gal even though she pisses pple off for the wrong reasons.

"Christmas is about forgiving, giving and sharing."

Thank you for being there for me.

thank you for forgiving me

thank you for giving and sharing your love

i may not be the best friend you can find, but i know u are the best gift i receive from God. Merry Christmas to all who's reading. amen.

wat's for christmas this year?

2007-11-30T16:53:00.000+08:00

barely a wink and Christmas will be here soon! this year somehow seems to creep away really fast... from the beginning of the year till now, here are some "highlights" (in no particular order) in my life:

major shifting in work which means NO BONUS this year.
attempt to opt the easy way out by buying 4D and end up spending $289.
lovely celebration for my bdae in Bali wif the girls in advance.
a major decision to SHAVE my head in the name of charity (plenty of thanks once again)
massive renovation activity for bf's house which some decisions get to be a "WE" instead of a "I"
finally got a chance to fly my parents to china
officially a mahjong addict

on going events and work just seems to keep me from festive seasons. i just hand over 2 job sites last week and one more to go this weekend. then i have to start another 3-4 more immediately. boss is running 3 himself. my weekdays and weekends are almost burned up with no scores of buying ANY presents for anyone yet...

i just feel so lost this year. nothing prepared with loads on my mind.

like my boss says: "the only break for our industry is probably only Chinese New Year"

life can be cruel when u least expect it.

2007-11-22T19:18:00.000+08:00

i am feeling very down today. i dun know why.

i felt that my world is falling down right in front of my eyes... in a slow motion manner and yet i can't seem to reach the ends of it to push it up..

there are times when things dun get your way.
when u feel that u have been taken for a ride.
when u have been taken for granted even by the closest person in your life.
when u learnt that what u have been taught all these years from the day u were a baby is not preach the way it is.

i cried after such a long time. from sobbing to silent tears that slid across my cheeks..

cox there was a piercing pain in my heart that i wonder if how long it would take to recover....

i am not a good friend.. are you?

2007-11-05T13:48:00.000+08:00

Didn't realised you updated your blog again after so long.. i tot you shut it down. it was just pure coincidence that i went in again to read your blog.

it hit me hard to know that u have left..
but why did you not tell us the truth when i ask you?why did you pretend that nothing happen and not share it with me?

i agree it is not that big an issue to kick up a big fuss about it. there wasn't anger but disappointment.. just loads of question marks in my head popping..

am i not doing my part as a friend? perhaps i didn't show enough concern for you to shun me away. maybe i should have make an effort to speak to you more often so there's no chance for you to drift.. i tot we have cleared the air the previous time and we promised to be truthful about our feelings..

i am wondering out loud if i've done enough to know your life.. if i am a good friend to you. i have to admit i am not...

but are you?

bingo!

2007-11-02T17:07:00.000+08:00

been quite a while since i last blog.

busy with loads of stuff! birthday celebrations, work, mj and spending tme with gfs and bfs etc...

my boss is flying off to aussie as i am typing my post. he will be gone for a week and when he comes back it would be my turn! amazingly how we can run site this way but hey, we are a team! he's been sweet enough to let me rest for my flu while he manages everything else even though he's sick too. i felt damn guilty that i get to rest while he doesn't.. but that makes me appreciated him more and work harder for him.. hehehe

really hoping that the shanghai trip gives me time off to shop. and tonight will be the night my darling friends will "sponsor" some of the expenses thru mj. hehe

wish me luck!

XOXOXO

p/s: i strike 4D 2 weeks in a row! but hey, dun even consider asking a treat cox i bought i bet and won only 6 bucks nia.. hardly enough to cover my losses. *apes keeps fingers crossed* hope this winning luck follows me!

Happy birthday ah pa!

2007-09-12T12:37:00.000+08:00

Today is the day

my darling "ah pa" turns 69. WOW. i dun think he's that old but last heard some rumors that he anyhow "bom" his age many years back so that he can be old enough to work and be an adult to smoke while he's underage. haha.

this year would also be my mummy's 60th birthday. and the amazing part? their marriage will turn 30 on 26th November (which is my mum's bdae!) guess they got married on her bdae so that he can remember. heh.

i have decided that this year i shall NOT give any presents to them. i will bring them over for a holiday instead. probably China or Taiwan whichever that i can afford. truthfully, these two precious are happily retired and taking care of my nephew. i think they deserve a holiday away from that lill creature. haha.

i dun come from a rich family and have earn my savings frm scrimping. i may not be the best daughter but i give my fair bit to the family. it took me a long time before i can realised their dreams of travelling. and that i feel is the least i can do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH PA! MAY YOU STAY HANDSOME ALWAYS!

i am i feel

2007-09-10T13:26:00.001+08:00

monday blues...

latest update?

2007-08-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

been really busy.. went for a holiday and till now my luggage is still lying around..

very soon i will be swimming across my clothes in my room again..

there are plenty of updates but i am just simply too lazy to do it.heheh so here are some "highlights"

i was stuck in the hotel toilet for half a hour due to a lousy lock. during my holidays..

i return back to singapore realising that pple were waiting for me to gossip!

i had a lovely dinner with bf's family at fish market in hillcrest, courtesy of uncle Randy

my boss has agreed to donate dollar for dollar for the Children Cancer Foundation!

i am missing my gfs..

"Show Luo is coming to town in Sept!"

i need retail therapy.. badly! Robinson and CK Tang having sales!
my Sis bdae is on 8 Sept and my dad 12th Sept

My BF 's bdae is on 29th Aug, this wed!

Happy bdae baba pumpkins !

Mini Rambutan

2007-07-20T12:53:00.000+08:00

as to date, it's been 20 days since i shaved my head.

just 20 days and i am beginning to feel the aftermath.

not that i regret shaving my head, i never will.

but it's the growing part that can be pretty frustrating. i am at the stage where it's neither long nor short.

option 1: wear a cap/ hat.

i comb thru the departmental stores and NONE of it fits! i was soo desperate that i had to resort to the kid's department!

option 2: wear a scarf.

i tot i could slepp later since i can wash my hair like really fast. then i realised i have to wake up earlier so that i can do a proper job tying the bloody scarf in my head...then u need to spend tons of dough to buy them.i need to have more scarves so pple dun feel that i never change my head gear. then i can't seem to find a "fashionable" one that can save me from pple asking my race. @#$^&$*@&&!!

option 3: dun wear anything ( i mean my head!)

with this new "mini rambutan" look, i feel like a recruit that is wearing office gear instead of my army uniform. on top of that, i am afraid pple mistaken me as one of the "con nuns" that cheats money. and to top it up, i have friends commenting that i looked like Bai Ling! @#^&^%(#%%####!! please.. it is not a compliment!! would u like it if pple think u look like William Hung?!

Option 4: wear a wig.

the so called best solution. just lup on the head and go. but it might also be the most stupid thing to do. just imagine going clubbing. it's crowded. then somebody knock into you and your wig drops. or u are dancing seductively and u swing too hard and the mop drops onto someone's lap?!

Gosh,somebody give me a solution...

hair for hope 2007- thank you speech

2007-07-03T14:53:00.000+08:00

the event at velocity square would be in my memory lane forever. it was a decision that i made to join the shavees for a lill contribution back to the society.

while waiting for my turn to go on stage, the host told all of us to wave at the camera because it would be shown to a young boy that has cancer but unable to attend the event. he needs plenty of encouragement and would be a nice gesture to let him know there are so many pple who would donate for him.

**since i was a kid, i have always been known as a "hum bao" (one who cried easily)

for pple who know me well enough would know :
when watching charity show on tv- cried.
when watching touching drama- cried.
bf did a bdae surprise for me last year- cried.**

So my eyes were already rimming with tears when i was waving at the camera. i knew i couldn't pass the emotional test at all. i just find it amazing and overwhelming at that touching scene. needless to say, i cried on the stage while shaving and embarass myself.

But i still wana say a very big thank you to:

my family who has been very supportive of my sis and me. including my brave younger sis that shaved too!

She attempt to do a baby shrek!

auntie linda who came all the way with Chele's blessings of $100

Gee for being the first one to reach and waited just to give me a nice huggie support

Tk and jason for turning up right at my eyes when i sat down to shave and made me teared even more.

Jaz, mitch, beng,gary for rushing down despite being high and just a couple hours of sleep. mussle rushed down even he had family issues to resolve. seeing them made me felt good.

pple who send sms to encourage me even though they couldn't make it. *yes, yang u are one of them.* =)

my precious darling who doen't have enough sleep, still on a high and drove me all the way down. who send out massive emails and sms to get the whole world to donate for me. who would never fail to remind me that he would loved me whether i have hair or not. his family that helps to spread the words that turns into donations. *how not to love him?*

pple like beng and jason who have been protective of me online when others think it's a ridculous thing to do. *specially raj that wanted to "tio" just for me .. so sweet! *gasp, i feel like crying again...*

All that donated whether it is $1 or $1000, your generous heart is beautiful! too many names to mention

my bosses for willing to accept the fact that i would be going to site hairless for a long period of time. who is planning to match dollar for dollar for all the donations i collected! *clap clap!*

everyone else that helped to spread the word and make this donation event meaningful...

God bless beautiful souls and i love you all!

for those waiting for more pictures to come out, please be a lill patient. i have yet to gather them and the video i have is in a format that i can only seem to play with my hp. will upload once i have more pictures!

less than a week before i go bald!

2007-06-25T19:04:00.000+08:00

my days of being a "babe" with hair are numbered.. i know i dun belong to a girl that looks good without hair cox my friends all call me lo han fish.. in case u dun know.. it's a kind of lokang fish that has really pertruting forehead..

after much thinking, i came up with more wacky reasons to shave:

i can save on shampoo and conditioner.

i can go to sleep without having to blow dry my hair. more sleeping time.

i can shower faster and dun end up late for work. which mean even more sleeping time.

i can pretend to be alien or GI Jane

i can cause my stylist to be jobless for awhile.

shavee!

2007-06-06T12:40:00.000+08:00

i am going to shave my head on 1st july 2007. this will be my first time after i was born into the world.

i know it sound crazy to shave off all your hair for charity. loads of pple asked me to reconsider since i can donate and do community services instead. or since my sis is already doing it, one from your family represent can liao.

but i am doing it more for myself. pple who has been close to me would know that my mum undergo an operation last year due to cancer. Her case was, thank God not to the extreme where it'd like the final stage. but having her to go through all the tremors is already suffering. And in a way, it's like my way of contributing back to the society but the impact to understand is much more meaningful...

i know i will probably look weird for a period and my bf might have to suffer with a "botak" gf for a period.but i am proud to say that i have at least tried that in my lifetime.

so do give me your support by logging onto the website
www.ccf.org.sg/hfh and look out for the sisters: "Tay Pei Ling April & Tay Zhen Ping"

how to resist?

2007-05-25T15:00:00.000+08:00

Great Singapore Sale is Officially on now. i am going to be officially broke. heh. can smell the bargains even here. my monster is growing n i have already tot of all the excuses to shop! u see, my sis bdae is coming, not forgeting karen and beng.. then u have father's day......blah blah blah.

women gets turned on by the 4 letter word.. FREE and SALE. even though i am like going to try to convince myself that i dun really need another watch or shoes but i guess i am going to end up with loads of bags on my bedroom floor again!

One way to prevent myself from spending too much is to bring Mussel.. hmmm...

hope a good weekend awaits me...

Wouldn't it be nice if the world is peaceful?

2007-05-15T16:49:00.001+08:00

truth hurts

2007-03-25T14:37:00.000+08:00

time seems to be moving in a speed that i was hoping to be slower. the week has flew past just like that again and it seems i haven't achieve much..

i was told recently that i am an arrogant,in considerate bitch,i mock at pple and my eyes are right at the tip of my lill head.i was told to think thru it and learn to be a better woman.

then when i confide in others, i end up being stabbed badly.
i put my trust in that person and yet he/she fail me by telling the world..

but i learn something meaningful over this period. maybe God send someone to throw a light on this teach me the way..

a person can never be too truthful in things
sometimes being too frank gets you into un necessary trouble.
it's always good to learn to be humble.
more work for you while the others slack can still let you tell the world that u can take crap rather being labelled as "lazy good-for-nothing"

here's my recent favourite:
Way back into love (Music and Lyrics)
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration  
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

i'm back!

2007-03-16T15:40:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last blog...

too much things, too lill time.. before u know it it's a quarter of the year gone! loads of activities in the meantime; like mj, clubbing, dancing classes, dates etc.. not forgeting the recent pain(t) ball where everyone is a hero, specially gary.. heheh.

but the most special one would be doing photoshots with the girls at a studio on wed. baba came over for a surprise visit, but didn't even get a chance to speak to him. pictures came out pretty ok, except that i have HUGE face and body that is really hard to edit..

took plenty but can only put a few first.. trying to get the photographer to redo it for us.. heheh.. meantime, here's a few to drool on:

*oops!

attempting a do a jump model look

girl power that never

dies!

****sizzling hot!****

pillow fight!

2006-12-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

Enough is enough. i am constantly being watched at the time!

eat one mouth,pple go tsk tsk tsk... hold one plate, pple go aiyo!

i flipped thru my previous pictures taken when i first knew kev and the rest.. such a *sizzling hot** babe lor! now i look like a hot mama..

i have decided. it's time to make heads turn once again. my fan club shall return when i am back to the "wah, chio bu!" days. hahah.

my new year resolution: to get my license and to lose weight.(AFTER CHINESE NEW YEAR) both sound so diffcult cause i dun have determination to do it.. how..

so i tried by giving my friends chocolate this year. let them turn fat then nobody will realised i am also growing at the same time.

beng> i didn't give u cox u will never grow fat.

andy> i will seriously not talk to u if i hear words saying that u are on a diet.. (u are turning ah beng size lor..)

so here's my cheers to a coming new year! merry christmas and a blessed new year! enjoy the holidays!

2006-12-01T17:34:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if life is playing a trick on me...

just hours before my flight......

MY MENSES CAME.

Great. just great.

Arggggghhh!!!!!!!!!!

u sure it's a holiday?

2006-11-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

time checked: 3 days to my korea trip. technically it's 4 days since it's a after 12midnight flight.

luggage NOT packed. work NOT completed. handover sounds damn bloody far.

my room is in a huge mess. i am sleeping with like bags of chips near my bed.

suffering from mild depression. christmas presents NOT bought. christmas cards NOT written. christmas dress NOT found. all i have is a "feel short, feel fat n feel ugly" ME.

which is why it's leading me to depression. which explains the comfort food near my bed. which explain my size. and my foul mood.

the fact that my boss is lying in the bedroom watching tv is NOT helping either.and he can tell me that it's time for me to buck up.hah.

which makes me wana ask this: "u sure it's a holiday? how come i am feeling wornout before the fun starts?

i hate stabbers

2006-11-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

if u have the guts, stab me at my heart.

Stab me where i can see you face to face. not from the back.

don't give me that u think u know everything and use all sorts of reasons to hit me below the belt. that's what i call an unworthy opponent.

if u think u can do that to me cause i am a weak female, i will show you the ruthless side of me where u would experience the meaning of " u can offend a cad, but never offend a woman".

if u wana stab me, make sure i am in such a pathetic state that i can never fight back. cause if i get up again, i will breathe down your neck so bad that u regret u ever try to stab me.

Fight like u will never fight again or u will be stabbed in return.

tributes to an old friend

2006-10-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

Life can be cruel at times. specially when u least expecting it to hit u.

i woke up receiving a sms from an old friend saying that ah bu died. from a bike accident. and they are cremating him today.

Ah bu was a tall, friendly indian guy that i knew him since i was in my teens. i knew him from the movies, (i was working part time in a movie theatre) but i couldn't remember him cause i left shortly after he started work.

few years later, i was introduced to him again during my working days in Boat Quay.he was working in one of the pubs at the front row along the riverside. the very typical beng kind of disco with mirrors to watch yourself dance.

it wasn't then i realised that he shifted to my house opp. as in literally opposite my blk where we can see each other on our own units. (those who came to my house before would understand)

he would hitch a ride with me after work at times since i could claim my fare. oncee he helped me when a lesbian followed me all the way home and stayed till she left. then he would make his way home and waved to me with a smile coz i had promised to blancha him drinks if he got rid of her.

i dun get to see him anymore after i quit from my pub days. occassionally i would bump into him on my way home and he would update me abt his life and our old friends. he would also invite me to his house on when he meets up with our friends during festive seasons.

if u had been to the colour bar at boat quay with me before,u might have remembered him. he was the one behaving very weird and appear drunk. at that point, i was shocked to see how much he has changed.

the last time i had seen him was when i saw him in marriot hotel where i was having a meeting with my boss and some korean clients. i didn't even realised he was working there till he came over with our drinks. he didn't tell me his mum passed away and he has long shifted out. yet i could feel that he was beck to his friendly and cheerful self.

but he has left us. it was so sudden that you dun know what to react. i was sitting in a daze for at least ten minutes before i decided that i didn't want to go to the wake. not that i am heartless but i rather remeber his smile at marriot than to see him lying there with his wounds.i rather type out my last words to keep him in my memories.i believe he would be able to hear me.

goodbye my old friend. i pray that u would be happy and blessed at the other side of the rainbow. sorry for not seeing you to your last journey. u get to scold me when i see u at the other side of the rainbow. my memories of you would be kept in a box and we would share it then. till then, it's goodbye for now.

can life be a bed of roses?

2006-10-01T03:52:00.000+08:00

life can be weird at times. u never when the person that's sleeping next to you today could be just right out of life..

the person that's closest to your heart can just seem so distant away. could be lover for the moment and stranger the next. could promise to be friends forever, but u see yourself alone when u needed them.

seen loads of examples around my life.. even experience it myself. then i realised this. this is life. in life u make choices. and u tell yourself no regrets. no matter what happens. then u found out that be it a big or small decision, there will definately be time when u make mistakes. u admit it, and u live with it. that's life.

i know the only fellow that will never abandon me is watching me at this moment now. and i pray that he would forgive me of all my sins and continue to love me. i love you too.amen.

2006-09-08T16:32:00.000+08:00

did i tell u i am having a feel fat month? and a feeel fat week + a feel fat day? i am just feeling fat every single moment. my arms are horrifying HUGE!!

recently i just have no urge to do anything. just wana lay back in bed at home everyday and be a lump of fats. eat chips.. drink coke... eat chips again.. watch my "lovely samsoon" who reminds me of myself. getting nearer to the 30 bench mark, fat and not hot like a model. but she has a kind heart and lovely character, which is much like me too.. hehehe.

haiz... when will my fat days be over? loads of festive seasons and birthdays coming up means i am going to gorge on mooncakes and BIG meals.. which means going on a diet after that! but i belong to the "gong nia" group. all say but no action.

god, please give me a push to make me a more hardworking girl...

haiz..

2006-09-06T15:36:00.000+08:00

i have a problem. i guess all of us have more than one. and i'll bet non give 2 hoots about it. cox problems just pops back everytime i solve one. damn.

just the other day, i went to my sec gf's baby's one month celebration. there were 2 sms circulating. first one was invited on 1 st sept (friday)at 6.30pm. second one was to inform that date was change from 1st to 2nd sept (sat) 1pm..

friends who knows me would guess i went there on friday right? WRONG! i may be dumb but not stupid enough. i went on sat! but at 4pm, my friend called screaming that i tua her. then i was dumbfound cox i was wrapping her gift at home. turns out i didn't realised time was at 1pm and NOT 630pm. haiz.. i blew it again..

does the problem lies with me? haiz.. into depression once again.

finally..

2006-08-11T14:07:00.000+08:00

finally, i'm making the time and effort to blog.

haven't been having the best time of my life cox loads of crap has been happening. from the major ones like my mum having an op, dropping my only communication tool into sugar cane water to the minor ones like gana scratch from my monsterous nephew,cooking at least twice a week, having hangovers from alcohol and mj. heh heh.

before i go on blah blah ing, a huge congrats to for the bdae boy, yang. this year is not too smooth for you so hope that my blessings will reach you and turn into lill angels to protect you k? :)

dun know why i am like aching all over which i suspect could be from the long hours dancing and drinking at MOS just the other night. though it was a farewell thingy for mussel, i guess end up i got high+ kev+ karen and her gfs+ Andy. heh heh, too much to drink to remeber the rest. but hey mussel, we will sure miss u and your ah peh patterns till sept.

till then, i'll pop over once i'm free. boss coming over my directions!!

P/S beng: *apes pats on beng's back and says: "congrats to your pay raise. Jia you!"

how not to cry?

2006-05-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

i know this should have been up way before. no matter how late it will be, i shall not forget my thank yous for making this lau chai's bdae a much more special one. big or small, u guys played a part.

the darling girls: (mitch, jaz, clarice, gee and zhu gong) for holding a pre celebration c/w elmo's party hat (ala kids' size) + cake and dinner. not forgetting booze, games and quality girls' time as well.

my favourite client: joanne who attempted to surprise me with a bdae cake but came a tad too late cause the delivery man called me first. heh heh.

my family: my elder sis and bro in law gave me this crazy frog softtoy that goes : brroonnggg... brrrooommm... non stop when u press the tummy. my nephew that took over the gift since it was alill scary to play with. my younger sis bug who gave me this gift wid her heart.one of my favourite author's latest paperpack. autographed copy. WOW.

all my old and new friends who sms me happy birthday before and after the actual dae. secondary,poly,ex colleagues, NNTetc.. one called from Tainan and sang me a bdae song!

my boss who actually bought me a spa package to feel pampered and giving me extra days off.

my secret admirer: it is a really thoughtful thing that u send the flowers to my place the moment the clock strikes 12. whoever u are, i am rerally flattered by your kindness.

my special birthday party: i would have least expected it. i did it for hanny, muscle and gary. but never have i expect a surprise party for me. though o embarassed by bawling like a baby and couldn't stop tearing when i know all did it out of love for me.

Raj: a friend that is so new yet so old. his actions are so endearing that i am glad to have been part of his life.

Jaz: one who never forgets to bring me back to the good old times with laughter.

hanny and chrystal: this special couple that actually gave me their pix with the gift.one that went to the extra mile.

TK and mel: she was holding me when i wailed loud. he makes the effort to stay long than i tot he would.actions shows it all.

Ivan and karen: my favourite mahjong kakis. who surprised me with the telepathy they have. and the purse to replace my watermelon.my newly formed aljunied gang.

Andy(aka ah lau)and jason: both who cares but keeps a low profile about it.

gary and david: how to thank them? they drank my puke! that's already a statement!

Regan and samantha: that sweet guy actually bought me a gift!

beng: my favourite gossip provider and endearing bro who sms me a bdae song.

muscle and yang: one sms me and the other, an email. it touches my heart no matter how far u are.

my darling pumpkin and his family: what else can i say? he bought me my pumps and bag cox he knows i love them. surprise me with the bdae party cox he knows where to score the brownie points. whether it was the mysterious admirer that prompted him, he has never failed to be my pillar of support that take shitz from me all the time. how not to fall in love with the man who knows where your soft spots are?

with my deepest gratitude, i thank god for blessing me with these beautiful people (named or unnamed) that helps to create beautiful memories in my life. filled with happiness and joy, i prayed that each and everyone would be blessed with the same if not more beautiful pple to create more precious moments in each's lives.AMEN.

another klutzy storieee

2006-04-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

alright. it's time for the ocassionally klutzy story again..

just last sunday,bf was lying on the bed (a really tiny one). i attempt to do a stunt. no,no, not those "i try to act sexy and catch his attention stunt". it's more of a "squeeze him out of bed so that i have space to read 8 days" stunt.

bad move. why? because he has tons of pants lying on the corner of the bed. and when a klutz try to do a stunt, chances are it will NEVER work.
as i jump in from the corner,i got scratch by one of the bloody belt buckle. bloody alright.
from a whheeeee to a waaaaaaoouuuch! right knee was awarded with a scar for acting brave but clumsy. bf can jumped off the bed and complain me occupying too much space.
i tried boo hoo when i told him i injuried my knee while jumping in.
his reply? "yah right. just trying to get attention right?" then he walk out of the room. i was like: ????????

waited for a long time before he return back to the room (i swear he must be eating in the kitchen without me). i purposely show him my bleeding wound as i complain about his stupid pants on the bed.they should belong to the cupboard or else the floor (like my room). but never on the bed! too dangerous for klutz like me. he end up cleaning my poor knee with a guilt on his face. heh heh. that look is priceless.

till then, klutzy apes signing off....

call me the kissing queen!

2006-03-27T17:55:00.000+08:00

You Are a Passionate Kisser

You are the most likely type to kiss a sexy stranger

Your kissing style is unpredictable and free spirited

You could kiss anyone at a drop of a hat

It's all about where your passion leads you

What's Your Kissing Style?

2006-03-27T16:50:00.000+08:00

i also wana join the fun!!!

You Are Most Like Miranda!

While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come firstGuys are a distant third to your friends and career.And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses.Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen.
Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect...
But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

this is crazy but this is me

2006-03-13T16:17:00.000+08:00

i thought i understand myself pretty well. i tot i am already quite hopeless when it comes to the word klutz. but i have "up" the level once again.

just yesterday, i told myself that it is supposed to be a "pretend to be a princess day". so i took a 40 minutes long shower and plonked myself onto my bed and nuah. wanted to splatter body lotion all over but couldn't find my favourite cox my buggy sis brought to her office. so saw a bottle of bodyshop moonflower lotion in the drawer. decided not to be too fussy, i open the bottle and used it.

the minute i smear it on my thighs, it didn't seem right. too sticky and not like the usual moisturiser. pissed off. i assumed that it was in the drawer tooo long so became like that. but pour out too much and didn't want it to go to waste. smeared over arms and feet. supposed to be a princess but feels like some sticky crap instead.

2 minutes later. feeling grumpy. because during the tv commercials, i realised i forgot to cap the lotion. as i reached for the bottle, i blinked. 457876203967 times. because it wasn't a body lotion. it was a body shower cream. SHOWER CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhh...........................

i end up going to the bathroom and washed it off again. no wonder it was soo damn sticky. if my sis didn't take away the body lotion, i wouldn't have to take a shower twice. @#^^*$&%@#

my latest bitching

2006-02-23T17:46:00.000+08:00

everyone has knowledge about things they are familiar with.
like jaz, it's trading.
my sis- jewellery.
cuzzie chele- loans and insurance
hann TNT guys- trouble shooting.

me- interior designing. construction and building. i may not be the one with the most knowledge in this field. but please dun doubt my advice to you for i have at least 3 years experience if not more. if you doubt i can do a good job, dun even ask. don't make me feel like i am a cheap labour and can't handle these stuff when i have to deal with it almost everyday. call me sensitive or what i dun care. i am tired of getting arrows all over. i need a break.

2006-02-07T17:15:00.000+08:00

though i have a pretty long break during the chinese new year, i feel that i seem to have age more! for the entire week it's like an ardent gambler on the loose! just imagine:

28th jan: CNY eve. stay up till 530 am cox my mum isn't asleep yet. believe in staying up on the eve in exchange for a longer life for your parents. actually, it's a blessing in disguise. else i would never slove the mystery of the missing fish. a fish that my mum steam for the reunion dinner was found hours later in the pot.

FORGOTTEN. amazing. and i landed with a huge bruise at my right knee after being attacked by the fallen object frm my wardrobe. not forgetting the huge block of frozen container that hit me right at my tummy when i attempt to open my fridge to get some ice. toking about having a brand new year without accidents. destinated to be a klutz.....

29th Jan: woke up and went off to my godma house to visit the rest of the clan. as usual every year it's the "eat your own relative $$ " with ban luck. won $6 and lost $5 at mahjong. total winnings: $1. went to gary's place after that and swao the rest of the group's $$. heheh total winning: $110.

wonder if it has anything to do with my hot pink underwear. left at 5? 6? am looking horrible with mascara running.

30th jan: relatives swarming to my home with the fact that my parents wana hao lian the new items in the house. guess i kinda did them proud. joined kev to visit auntie pat. had dinner with them and went to PVD after that.

almost got myself into a fight. haha, my ah lian pattern came out and i guess that look freak that guy out. went back like wee hours again after supper

31jan: got the word spread last minute to ask the group to come over to my place. time given to them was at 4pm. by 630pm, i still dun have a single one there yet. amazing group of pple.

won yang close to $24 just on a one to one ban luck since he was the only one first. heheh, he doesn't seem to have much luck. total winning for the night: $95. had to cover kev's losses else would have been more. slept like 3 am. earlier than the previous nights

01 feb: went for a client's opening cermony at 10 plus am. watch the lousy lion's troupe attempting to throw "kum aka gold" into the company's entrance. supposed to bring fortune to the company and all my clients stood there to catch the kums. they ended up kana wacked by the oranges cox the "lion" apparently had lousy throwing skills.

hit them like all over the body like paintball rather than catching. supposed to hit it in and end up hit the ceiling and fell right in front of the entrance. splatter the place with orange juice instead. after that went back to the office for good luck and spend the rest of my time playing games. then went to watch "huo yuan jia" with kev.

02feb: went over to gee's place for a all night majong session. major winner: jaz winning around close to 300? i was losing but ended up covering my losses and won $20.

was feeling happy until i realised then my dear bf lost to gee and the $$ flew off my hands again. started from 5 30pm and ended at 6 plus am

03feb: reach at 7 am to my gf's house to be a jie mei. meaning to sabo the bridegroom and demand $$ at the door. was the only one negotiating cox the rest are not as loud. poor fellow had to eat like sour plums added with lemon juice and tomatoes filled with wasabi. he puked like right in front of me!

sometimes i wonder if retribution would get to me.. hahah, who cares? did you know that when the bride toss the flowers, die die have to catch it even if u dun want it? else u will have 3 years of bad luck! did you know that you are not supposed to be a jie mei too often? you would end up not marrying! hhmm... wonder how true is that.

but i DO know that if any of the guys in the group were to get married, they shall die in the "sisters" hand! specially pple like hann... dun say i never warn u ar, better treat me nicer else your big day u will gana!

04th feb: never slept well since i was playing "high mahjong" the night before. couldn't remeber how much i lost but sure knows i lost more when i went over to ivan's house! won like close to $100 before hann came over and swao all my $$$. so total lost was close to 70 for me and 50 for kev.. went home lilke early morning again...

isn't this supposed to be a break week for me? i end up feeling more tired than my working days.

FAT PEOPLE ARE HARDER TO KIDNAP

2006-01-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

finally. it's been more than a month since i last blog. here goes:

i know i have been kinda missing in action. specially to my darlin gals and my precious bro beng. my 2005 left without a bam and my 2006 just arrived with like not much difference. tot that my chinese new year is gona be my "secretly go on diet and reborn as a beauty retreat" but i guess it's gona be burn also cox my boss is going on a holiday... (AGAIN...) and with the new job site starting so soon that i would end up as a fat ass beauty instead.

i know this sounds weird but i have kinda decided to cut my hair short. not really short short like wendy's kind of short but short short like almost karen kind of short. hmm... get it? aiya, basically i think i need a new look.

i know pple are asking me not to take the risk of cutting it too short but after much thinking, here are the good and bad:

good

short is the new thing. (including height, haha)

i can save on shampoo. (and conditioner)

lesser bad hair days since no need to style

can feel "light- headed" without getting drunk

look like a totally different person so bf woudn't get bored with the same old me (but cold jokes would still be around)

bad

i might look older rather than young and chio. heh

my bf might get a shock how ugly i can be with short hair and break up with me immediately

i would end up having an awful cny with a bad hair cut.

according to beng, i belong to a luo han clan and being the princess there it's not wise to cut my hair short cox it shows my fat face.

so what if i am fat? i guess i rather be a prata face and save $$ on shampoo and conditioner. besides, fat pple are harder to kidnap.

2005-12-20T13:16:00.000+08:00

i am pissed. my boss has gone crazy. he went to phuket and is supposed to come back by tuesday. but he went bonkers and decided to stay till friday. FRIDAY! u have any idea how irresponsible he is to leave everything aside just because the sun refused to come out during his stay and he wants to stay till he sees the sun. his message to me: "hi, the sun hasn't been out since i arrived. raining. will be extending my stay till friday.good luck and see u all soon." that selfish man shall be cursed by me. may he stay there and still can't see the sun. let it rain everyday. all he can do is get stuck at a beach resort and no sun to sunbath. bleah.

2005-12-12T13:18:00.000+08:00

been so busy that haven't been updating my blog.. *guilt* going to be super tied up with work since it's my peak period. (after chinese new year i will be a free bird once again)
actually typing in between my 2pm meeting.

besides work that's taking up most of my time, have to do christmas shopping, mahjong sessions and gossiping. not forgeting the fact that i have broke up with my korean boyfriend, i would have to go back to dating my pumpkin face boyfriend that goes around peeping under the skirt. *note that the skirt doesn't belong to me*

will be flying off to Bangkok for the weekend *courtesy of Gee's milleage- i only pay for tax*

call me a cheapo as usual, but will try to grab a prezzie for most pple. *yes, beng, heard that complaint. U WILL GET THE BERMS FROM THE LAST TRIP SOON. pretty soon i hope*

ciao.

xoxoxoxoxo

belated halloween pictures

2005-11-22T15:03:00.000+08:00

here are some of the pictures that are long overdue. this year, i am finally "normal". no fake blood or ugly peeling skin, i finally got a chance to transform into an arabian beauty this halloween. though the rest of the girls seems to look more royal and i look really like the "queen and princess s' pityful maid". ahahah, but i must say i still look better than previous halloweens. (really, wait till u see the rest of my previous pictures) wasted part was i didn't go down to zouk to flaunt. ended up in ivan's place play mahjong cox the rest not keen to go.....

next year, it's all planned for. special thanks to karen and ivan, who bought green shriek ears for me from hong kong. hahah, i think shall act as fiona and drag kev to be shriek. to see how the ears look, ask beng. he did a freaky one with green ears and orange sunglasses! heehee, cracks me up everytime.

anyone up for dressing for next year's halloween?

2005-11-22T15:01:00.001+08:00

me as usual, trying too hard. hot or not?

2005-11-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

the glam glam ice queen!

2005-11-22T15:00:00.001+08:00

the princess look alike.

2005-11-22T15:00:00.000+08:00

the 4 beauties! notice the rest of the girls showing off their bellies? i got one that's too huge so dun dare to show... heh heh

To my ever understanding bf

2005-10-26T13:12:00.001+08:00

Dear BF,

i am sorry.
i have been unfaithful. i am soo in love now. No bf, not to you. i'm falling in love with another man. a man that i dun even remember his name. i can hardly pronounce it either. but he is one man that drives me crazy.

i have been dating him on every monday and tues. though we are only allowed to meet for an hour but he mesmerised me with his witty humor, his charming grin and his watery eyes. he would profess his love and that melts my heart.

i am so hooked to him that i would argue with my bug sis who's going to be his bride! childish but it's afterall my fantasy.

iknow that because of him, i neglected you. i know it's unfair to you. my precious moments with him will end after 11. please bear with me till he leaves.

thank you for your understanding. :)
.

Adventures of klutzy Ling

2005-10-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

it's been a loooong time since i last update. so here's a quick recap:

been catching up times with the girls. popped over the Gee's place and played mahjong. gossip and more gossip.

very tied up with work and barely have time to breathe. it's amazing how i actually survive last month without taking MC. yes, i take MC every month. sorry, karen. i belong to the "act sick bitches and nuah at home" group....

the most embarassing moment for the week:

got my pay and went to the bank with my boss. bad move. it was close to lunchtime and loads of pple were lining up. i walk to the cash deposit machine to deposit my miserable sum of money into my savings account.

shitz. i saw my money gana "makan" into the machine. i didn't put enough. so i had to do another transaction to add in more money this time.

just as i try to put the money into the box, the rubber band that was in my hand drop. haiz.. it didn't drop onto the floor. IT DROPPED INTO THE COUNTING MACHINE. before i could get it out of the box, the stupid lid just close and the voice goes: "please wait while we count your cash.."

i kept my fingers crossed and hope to hear: "transaction approved" but noooooooooo............. the next thing i knew was "machine faulty. please seek assistance by calling 1800- xxxxxxx" flashing across the screen.

!#%!^&!$)^!$&)*!&**#df TMD>

more pple queuing. my sweat rolling down my forehead. the auntie behind threw me a glance.

stupid boss had to walk in and ask: "oei, why so long?"

i whispered: " i bu xiao xin dropped a rubberband and it's jammed inside. machine to fast for me to take it out in time...."

my boss in a loud clear voice: "huh? ahahahahaaa.......... u are the first person i know that drops a rubber band in a CASH deposit machine! so paiseh! got pple waiting to use leh!

me: more sweat rolling down my forehead.....the auntie behind me had already "tsk tsk" at me and jump into the manual queue which is all the way to the entrance.

i had no choice but to seek assistance from the counter. the lady gave me this "???? stupid" look as i repeat myself again. she had to get CISCO to guard her somemore. haiz.....

April never fails to embarass herself. NEVER. the klutzy her make sure she hits the klutzy quota every month.

all alive and kicking

2005-09-21T02:51:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it. i'm still in the office. typing my blog at 2.51am in the morning. abit crazy. but it's because i have to do presentation and still piaing for the stuff to be done up. but here are the pictures of the accident i was involved in last thurs. i thank God for not bringing me up there. yet. maybe i too klutzy then he scared i turn heaven into a mess. but then again i might not be there. i did too much evil. hahah. anyway, a big thank you to those that were concern if i was alive and kicking. except for many bruises all over, i'm back once again to irritate the shit out of everybody. watch out..............

2005-09-21T02:49:00.000+08:00

tha fateful day when my boss started bleeding from his nose like a tap. even my skirt gana his blood stains. hhmm.... wonder if i can claim for a new skirt?

2005-09-21T02:48:00.000+08:00

imagine the impact was great enough to damage the cd player and fly all the cds. door cannot even close properly... i am lucky to be alive! :)

2005-09-21T02:46:00.000+08:00

luckily there's no other passengers in the car except me. else the fellow fly to london....

2005-09-21T02:44:00.000+08:00

side view

2005-09-21T02:43:00.000+08:00

back view after pulling away from the honda jazz. total wreck

2005-09-21T02:42:00.000+08:00

front of the honda odessey i was in

2005-09-21T02:41:00.000+08:00

the entire tank gone... petrol leaking onto the floor. sooooo expensive................. heartache ar!

2005-09-21T02:39:00.000+08:00

the jaguar crashing into a "i can't remember what car"

2005-09-21T02:38:00.000+08:00

imagine jaguar back gana quite chia liat....

2005-09-21T02:37:00.000+08:00

see the honda jazz? that's the stupid ass that knocks into all the 5 cars

2005-09-08T12:26:00.000+08:00

i'm sick. very sick. bad flu and throat infection. nose is always half blocked, half running. ears are not functioning properly. keep hearing "weng weng" sound.
worse is i haven't been sleeping well since sunday. and the record for the past 2 nights were only a miserable 4 hours sleep with 7954305493 turning and tossing like a burned prata. i need help. badly. i am losing my sleep and patience. the next thing i am losing is probably my mind. they say it's d stress.something is bothering me. i dun know what it is. i need to breathe again.. i dun know what's wROng with me.
somebody help me please...............
TURN ME INTO A GUNDAM AND FIGHT MYSELF!

2005-08-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

.HAPPEE BUFFDAE TO DARDAR!

POOR BABY... SICK ON YOUR BIRTHDAY... BUT HOPE THE TLC WILL MAKE YOU BETTER!

MAY YOUR HEALTH BE BETTER, STUDIES SCORE FLYING COLOURS AND ALL YOUR SOCCER BETS WIN MANYMANY $$! HUAT AR!

The messy room

2005-08-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

i dun believe it. i really dun.
people keep telling me but i refuse to admit it.
Now i have no choice. pictures were taken by my younger sis bug.
alright. I AM A MESS. just weeks ago the room WAS clean.
i know i am untidy, but who doesn't? heh. my mum used to tell me that whether the room is messy connects to your life. what she is telling me is i am leading a messy life.
haiz.... and i agree. work seems to be never ending and judging from my work desk, it says pretty much.

is my life just going to be forever klutzy and messy? nowadays, i dun even try.
it's like when i drop my phone, spill gravy on my clothes, stumble or trip, blah blah blah.. i end up convincing myself : "it's cool. it's just me."
even friends are not the least surprised when incidents of such happens. hahaha. even i think i am invincible.
the never ending mess

2005-08-16T16:28:00.000+08:00

the mess before i went to Bangkok. u can imagine how bad my room is now

HAPPEE BUFFDAE TO YANGIE

2005-08-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

for my ling and yang buddy:
Happy buffdae to you!!!! may all your wishes comes true!
OOO, and your love life be "colourful"! heheheeh in the meantime,have a heineken! cheeros!

just when u tot it's over...

2005-07-23T13:12:00.000+08:00

CHECK THIS OUT! "internal/ infernal" affairs of the NKF...

http://www.tohzhiqiang.per.sg/?p=59
http://www.tohzhiqiang.per.sg/?p=60

TALA! A DIFFERENT ME.....

2005-07-19T15:57:00.000+08:00

everyone is asking: how come haven't finish your update since u come back?? took loads of pictures but this are the few that pple waiting to laugh at. heh. kept the hairstyle for 5 days till i realised i HAD to let go of it before i gana KUTU soon. tell me if u like the "shaggy" look! hmmm.... if response is good, i shall go perm my hair! heehe.
Last look at my funky hair!

2005-07-19T15:32:00.000+08:00

side view

2005-07-19T15:31:00.001+08:00

front view

2005-07-19T15:31:00.000+08:00

back view

2005-07-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

*tengz tengz tengz!!!! swee bo?

2005-07-19T14:57:00.000+08:00

i think i look better in black and white! hahaah

2005-07-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

arty farty pose 2

2005-07-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

arty farty pose 1?

2005-07-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

*scratch scratch... 5 days never "properly shampoo, just use shampoo + water to rinse it and massage a little*

2005-07-19T14:53:00.000+08:00

come climb into bed with me.....