i am i feel

monday blues...

latest update?

been really busy.. went for a holiday and till now my luggage is still lying around..

very soon i will be swimming across my clothes in my room again..

there are plenty of updates but i am just simply too lazy to do it.heheh so here are some "highlights"

• i was stuck in the hotel toilet for half a hour due to a lousy lock. during my holidays..


• i return back to singapore realising that pple were waiting for me to gossip!


• i had a lovely dinner with bf's family at fish market in hillcrest, courtesy of uncle Randy


• my boss has agreed to donate dollar for dollar for the Children Cancer Foundation!


• i am missing my gfs..


• "Show Luo is coming to town in Sept!"


• i need retail therapy.. badly! Robinson and CK Tang having sales!
• my Sis bdae is on 8 Sept and my dad 12th Sept


• My BF 's bdae is on 29th Aug, this wed!

Happy bdae baba pumpkins !

Mini Rambutan

as to date, it's been 20 days since i shaved my head.

just 20 days and i am beginning to feel the aftermath.

not that i regret shaving my head, i never will.

but it's the growing part that can be pretty frustrating. i am at the stage where it's neither long nor short.

option 1: wear a cap/ hat.

i comb thru the departmental stores and NONE of it fits! i was soo desperate that i had to resort to the kid's department!

option 2: wear a scarf.

i tot i could slepp later since i can wash my hair like really fast. then i realised i have to wake up earlier so that i can do a proper job tying the bloody scarf in my head...then u need to spend tons of dough to buy them.i need to have more scarves so pple dun feel that i never change my head gear. then i can't seem to find a "fashionable" one that can save me from pple asking my race. @#$^&$*@&&!!

option 3: dun wear anything ( i mean my head!)

with this new "mini rambutan" look, i feel like a recruit that is wearing office gear instead of my army uniform. on top of that, i am afraid pple mistaken me as one of the "con nuns" that cheats money. and to top it up, i have friends commenting that i looked like Bai Ling! @#^&^%(#%%####!! please.. it is not a compliment!! would u like it if pple think u look like William Hung?!

Option 4: wear a wig.

the so called best solution. just lup on the head and go. but it might also be the most stupid thing to do. just imagine going clubbing. it's crowded. then somebody knock into you and your wig drops. or u are dancing seductively and u swing too hard and the mop drops onto someone's lap?!

Gosh,somebody give me a solution...

hair for hope 2007- thank you speech

the event at velocity square would be in my memory lane forever. it was a decision that i made to join the shavees for a lill contribution back to the society.

while waiting for my turn to go on stage, the host told all of us to wave at the camera because it would be shown to a young boy that has cancer but unable to attend the event. he needs plenty of encouragement and would be a nice gesture to let him know there are so many pple who would donate for him.

**since i was a kid, i have always been known as a "hum bao" (one who cried easily)

for pple who know me well enough would know :
when watching charity show on tv- cried.
when watching touching drama- cried.
bf did a bdae surprise for me last year- cried.**

So my eyes were already rimming with tears when i was waving at the camera. i knew i couldn't pass the emotional test at all. i just find it amazing and overwhelming at that touching scene. needless to say, i cried on the stage while shaving and embarass myself.

But i still wana say a very big thank you to:

my family who has been very supportive of my sis and me. including my brave younger sis that shaved too!

She attempt to do a baby shrek!

auntie linda who came all the way with Chele's blessings of $100

Gee for being the first one to reach and waited just to give me a nice huggie support

Tk and jason for turning up right at my eyes when i sat down to shave and made me teared even more.

Jaz, mitch, beng,gary for rushing down despite being high and just a couple hours of sleep. mussle rushed down even he had family issues to resolve. seeing them made me felt good.

pple who send sms to encourage me even though they couldn't make it. *yes, yang u are one of them.* =)

my precious darling who doen't have enough sleep, still on a high and drove me all the way down. who send out massive emails and sms to get the whole world to donate for me. who would never fail to remind me that he would loved me whether i have hair or not. his family that helps to spread the words that turns into donations. *how not to love him?*

pple like beng and jason who have been protective of me online when others think it's a ridculous thing to do. *specially raj that wanted to "tio" just for me .. so sweet! *gasp, i feel like crying again...*

All that donated whether it is $1 or $1000, your generous heart is beautiful! too many names to mention

my bosses for willing to accept the fact that i would be going to site hairless for a long period of time. who is planning to match dollar for dollar for all the donations i collected! *clap clap!*

everyone else that helped to spread the word and make this donation event meaningful...

God bless beautiful souls and i love you all!

for those waiting for more pictures to come out, please be a lill patient. i have yet to gather them and the video i have is in a format that i can only seem to play with my hp. will upload once i have more pictures!

less than a week before i go bald!

my days of being a "babe" with hair are numbered.. i know i dun belong to a girl that looks good without hair cox my friends all call me lo han fish.. in case u dun know.. it's a kind of lokang fish that has really pertruting forehead..

after much thinking, i came up with more wacky reasons to shave:

i can save on shampoo and conditioner.

i can go to sleep without having to blow dry my hair. more sleeping time.

i can shower faster and dun end up late for work. which mean even more sleeping time.

i can pretend to be alien or GI Jane

i can cause my stylist to be jobless for awhile.

shavee!

i am going to shave my head on 1st july 2007. this will be my first time after i was born into the world.

i know it sound crazy to shave off all your hair for charity. loads of pple asked me to reconsider since i can donate and do community services instead. or since my sis is already doing it, one from your family represent can liao.

but i am doing it more for myself. pple who has been close to me would know that my mum undergo an operation last year due to cancer. Her case was, thank God not to the extreme where it'd like the final stage. but having her to go through all the tremors is already suffering. And in a way, it's like my way of contributing back to the society but the impact to understand is much more meaningful...

i know i will probably look weird for a period and my bf might have to suffer with a "botak" gf for a period.but i am proud to say that i have at least tried that in my lifetime.

so do give me your support by logging onto the website
www.ccf.org.sg/hfh and look out for the sisters: "Tay Pei Ling April & Tay Zhen Ping"

how to resist?

Great Singapore Sale is Officially on now. i am going to be officially broke. heh. can smell the bargains even here. my monster is growing n i have already tot of all the excuses to shop! u see, my sis bdae is coming, not forgeting karen and beng.. then u have father's day......blah blah blah.

women gets turned on by the 4 letter word.. FREE and SALE. even though i am like going to try to convince myself that i dun really need another watch or shoes but i guess i am going to end up with loads of bags on my bedroom floor again!

One way to prevent myself from spending too much is to bring Mussel.. hmmm...

hope a good weekend awaits me...

Wouldn't it be nice if the world is peaceful?

truth hurts

time seems to be moving in a speed that i was hoping to be slower. the week has flew past just like that again and it seems i haven't achieve much..

i was told recently that i am an arrogant,in considerate bitch,i mock at pple and my eyes are right at the tip of my lill head.i was told to think thru it and learn to be a better woman.

then when i confide in others, i end up being stabbed badly.
i put my trust in that person and yet he/she fail me by telling the world..

but i learn something meaningful over this period. maybe God send someone to throw a light on this teach me the way..

a person can never be too truthful in things
sometimes being too frank gets you into un necessary trouble.
it's always good to learn to be humble.
more work for you while the others slack can still let you tell the world that u can take crap rather being labelled as "lazy good-for-nothing"


here's my recent favourite:
Way back into love (Music and Lyrics)
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration 

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love 

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

i'm back!

it's been a while since i last blog...



too much things, too lill time.. before u know it it's a quarter of the year gone! loads of activities in the meantime; like mj, clubbing, dancing classes, dates etc.. not forgeting the recent pain(t) ball where everyone is a hero, specially gary.. heheh.



but the most special one would be doing photoshots with the girls at a studio on wed. baba came over for a surprise visit, but didn't even get a chance to speak to him. pictures came out pretty ok, except that i have HUGE face and body that is really hard to edit..



took plenty but can only put a few first.. trying to get the photographer to redo it for us.. heheh.. meantime, here's a few to drool on:

*oops!

attempting a do a jump model look

girl power that never

dies!

****sizzling hot!****

pillow fight!

Enough is enough. i am constantly being watched at the time!

eat one mouth,pple go tsk tsk tsk... hold one plate, pple go aiyo!

i flipped thru my previous pictures taken when i first knew kev and the rest.. such a *sizzling hot** babe lor! now i look like a hot mama..

i have decided. it's time to make heads turn once again. my fan club shall return when i am back to the "wah, chio bu!" days. hahah.

my new year resolution: to get my license and to lose weight.(AFTER CHINESE NEW YEAR) both sound so diffcult cause i dun have determination to do it.. how..

so i tried by giving my friends chocolate this year. let them turn fat then nobody will realised i am also growing at the same time.

beng> i didn't give u cox u will never grow fat.

andy> i will seriously not talk to u if i hear words saying that u are on a diet.. (u are turning ah beng size lor..)

so here's my cheers to a coming new year! merry christmas and a blessed new year! enjoy the holidays!

sometimes i wonder if life is playing a trick on me...

just hours before my flight......

MY MENSES CAME.

Great. just great.

Arggggghhh!!!!!!!!!!

u sure it's a holiday?

time checked: 3 days to my korea trip. technically it's 4 days since it's a after 12midnight flight.

luggage NOT packed. work NOT completed. handover sounds damn bloody far.

my room is in a huge mess. i am sleeping with like bags of chips near my bed.

suffering from mild depression. christmas presents NOT bought. christmas cards NOT written. christmas dress NOT found. all i have is a "feel short, feel fat n feel ugly" ME.

which is why it's leading me to depression. which explains the comfort food near my bed. which explain my size. and my foul mood.

the fact that my boss is lying in the bedroom watching tv is NOT helping either.and he can tell me that it's time for me to buck up.hah.

which makes me wana ask this: "u sure it's a holiday? how come i am feeling wornout before the fun starts?

i hate stabbers

if u have the guts, stab me at my heart.

Stab me where i can see you face to face. not from the back.

don't give me that u think u know everything and use all sorts of reasons to hit me below the belt. that's what i call an unworthy opponent.

if u think u can do that to me cause i am a weak female, i will show you the ruthless side of me where u would experience the meaning of " u can offend a cad, but never offend a woman".

if u wana stab me, make sure i am in such a pathetic state that i can never fight back. cause if i get up again, i will breathe down your neck so bad that u regret u ever try to stab me.

Fight like u will never fight again or u will be stabbed in return.

tributes to an old friend

Life can be cruel at times. specially when u least expecting it to hit u.

i woke up receiving a sms from an old friend saying that ah bu died. from a bike accident. and they are cremating him today.

Ah bu was a tall, friendly indian guy that i knew him since i was in my teens. i knew him from the movies, (i was working part time in a movie theatre) but i couldn't remember him cause i left shortly after he started work.

few years later, i was introduced to him again during my working days in Boat Quay.he was working in one of the pubs at the front row along the riverside. the very typical beng kind of disco with mirrors to watch yourself dance.

it wasn't then i realised that he shifted to my house opp. as in literally opposite my blk where we can see each other on our own units. (those who came to my house before would understand)

he would hitch a ride with me after work at times since i could claim my fare. oncee he helped me when a lesbian followed me all the way home and stayed till she left. then he would make his way home and waved to me with a smile coz i had promised to blancha him drinks if he got rid of her.

i dun get to see him anymore after i quit from my pub days. occassionally i would bump into him on my way home and he would update me abt his life and our old friends. he would also invite me to his house on when he meets up with our friends during festive seasons.

if u had been to the colour bar at boat quay with me before,u might have remembered him. he was the one behaving very weird and appear drunk. at that point, i was shocked to see how much he has changed.

the last time i had seen him was when i saw him in marriot hotel where i was having a meeting with my boss and some korean clients. i didn't even realised he was working there till he came over with our drinks. he didn't tell me his mum passed away and he has long shifted out. yet i could feel that he was beck to his friendly and cheerful self.

but he has left us. it was so sudden that you dun know what to react. i was sitting in a daze for at least ten minutes before i decided that i didn't want to go to the wake. not that i am heartless but i rather remeber his smile at marriot than to see him lying there with his wounds.i rather type out my last words to keep him in my memories.i believe he would be able to hear me.

goodbye my old friend. i pray that u would be happy and blessed at the other side of the rainbow. sorry for not seeing you to your last journey. u get to scold me when i see u at the other side of the rainbow. my memories of you would be kept in a box and we would share it then. till then, it's goodbye for now.

can life be a bed of roses?

life can be weird at times. u never when the person that's sleeping next to you today could be just right out of life..

the person that's closest to your heart can just seem so distant away. could be lover for the moment and stranger the next. could promise to be friends forever, but u see yourself alone when u needed them.

seen loads of examples around my life.. even experience it myself. then i realised this. this is life. in life u make choices. and u tell yourself no regrets. no matter what happens. then u found out that be it a big or small decision, there will definately be time when u make mistakes. u admit it, and u live with it. that's life.

i know the only fellow that will never abandon me is watching me at this moment now. and i pray that he would forgive me of all my sins and continue to love me. i love you too.amen.

did i tell u i am having a feel fat month? and a feeel fat week + a feel fat day? i am just feeling fat every single moment. my arms are horrifying HUGE!!

recently i just have no urge to do anything. just wana lay back in bed at home everyday and be a lump of fats. eat chips.. drink coke... eat chips again.. watch my "lovely samsoon" who reminds me of myself. getting nearer to the 30 bench mark, fat and not hot like a model. but she has a kind heart and lovely character, which is much like me too.. hehehe.

haiz... when will my fat days be over? loads of festive seasons and birthdays coming up means i am going to gorge on mooncakes and BIG meals.. which means going on a diet after that! but i belong to the "gong nia" group. all say but no action.

god, please give me a push to make me a more hardworking girl...

haiz..

i have a problem. i guess all of us have more than one. and i'll bet non give 2 hoots about it. cox problems just pops back everytime i solve one. damn.

just the other day, i went to my sec gf's baby's one month celebration. there were 2 sms circulating. first one was invited on 1 st sept (friday)at 6.30pm. second one was to inform that date was change from 1st to 2nd sept (sat) 1pm..

friends who knows me would guess i went there on friday right? WRONG! i may be dumb but not stupid enough. i went on sat! but at 4pm, my friend called screaming that i tua her. then i was dumbfound cox i was wrapping her gift at home. turns out i didn't realised time was at 1pm and NOT 630pm. haiz.. i blew it again..

does the problem lies with me? haiz.. into depression once again.

finally..

finally, i'm making the time and effort to blog.

haven't been having the best time of my life cox loads of crap has been happening. from the major ones like my mum having an op, dropping my only communication tool into sugar cane water to the minor ones like gana scratch from my monsterous nephew,cooking at least twice a week, having hangovers from alcohol and mj. heh heh.

before i go on blah blah ing, a huge congrats to for the bdae boy, yang. this year is not too smooth for you so hope that my blessings will reach you and turn into lill angels to protect you k? :)

dun know why i am like aching all over which i suspect could be from the long hours dancing and drinking at MOS just the other night. though it was a farewell thingy for mussel, i guess end up i got high+ kev+ karen and her gfs+ Andy. heh heh, too much to drink to remeber the rest. but hey mussel, we will sure miss u and your ah peh patterns till sept.

till then, i'll pop over once i'm free. boss coming over my directions!!

P/S beng: *apes pats on beng's back and says: "congrats to your pay raise. Jia you!"

how not to cry?

i know this should have been up way before. no matter how late it will be, i shall not forget my thank yous for making this lau chai's bdae a much more special one. big or small, u guys played a part.

the darling girls: (mitch, jaz, clarice, gee and zhu gong) for holding a pre celebration c/w elmo's party hat (ala kids' size) + cake and dinner. not forgetting booze, games and quality girls' time as well.

my favourite client: joanne who attempted to surprise me with a bdae cake but came a tad too late cause the delivery man called me first. heh heh.

my family: my elder sis and bro in law gave me this crazy frog softtoy that goes : brroonnggg... brrrooommm... non stop when u press the tummy. my nephew that took over the gift since it was alill scary to play with. my younger sis bug who gave me this gift wid her heart.one of my favourite author's latest paperpack. autographed copy. WOW.

all my old and new friends who sms me happy birthday before and after the actual dae. secondary,poly,ex colleagues, NNTetc.. one called from Tainan and sang me a bdae song!

my boss who actually bought me a spa package to feel pampered and giving me extra days off.

my secret admirer: it is a really thoughtful thing that u send the flowers to my place the moment the clock strikes 12. whoever u are, i am rerally flattered by your kindness.

my special birthday party: i would have least expected it. i did it for hanny, muscle and gary. but never have i expect a surprise party for me. though o embarassed by bawling like a baby and couldn't stop tearing when i know all did it out of love for me.

Raj: a friend that is so new yet so old. his actions are so endearing that i am glad to have been part of his life.

Jaz: one who never forgets to bring me back to the good old times with laughter.

hanny and chrystal: this special couple that actually gave me their pix with the gift.one that went to the extra mile.

TK and mel: she was holding me when i wailed loud. he makes the effort to stay long than i tot he would.actions shows it all.

Ivan and karen: my favourite mahjong kakis. who surprised me with the telepathy they have. and the purse to replace my watermelon.my newly formed aljunied gang.

Andy(aka ah lau)and jason: both who cares but keeps a low profile about it.

gary and david: how to thank them? they drank my puke! that's already a statement!

Regan and samantha: that sweet guy actually bought me a gift!

beng: my favourite gossip provider and endearing bro who sms me a bdae song.

muscle and yang: one sms me and the other, an email. it touches my heart no matter how far u are.

my darling pumpkin and his family: what else can i say? he bought me my pumps and bag cox he knows i love them. surprise me with the bdae party cox he knows where to score the brownie points. whether it was the mysterious admirer that prompted him, he has never failed to be my pillar of support that take shitz from me all the time. how not to fall in love with the man who knows where your soft spots are?

with my deepest gratitude, i thank god for blessing me with these beautiful people (named or unnamed) that helps to create beautiful memories in my life. filled with happiness and joy, i prayed that each and everyone would be blessed with the same if not more beautiful pple to create more precious moments in each's lives.AMEN.