haven't been in the best of moods recently... i feel so lost and confused at this point in my life..

alot happen recently... things just dun seems to be going on smoothly.. and my life just go tipsy turvy specially after my bdae.. guess the age has slapped me in the face with alot of truth:

where am i heading to in terms of career? isn't time for me to upgrade myself before i get too complacent? he is already making it pretty obvious that he will drop me like a hot potato the minute i can't commit to his requirements... so what if i am promised a profit sharing? as long as i dun see it in black and white it's as good as a dream....

where are my directions in my love life? i dun deny that i am facing issues with my relationship. and the thing is i dun have an answer after 4 1/2 years... i can't seem to find a reason to convince myself that i am ready to continue. .

am i just being negative? or am i just too tired to try out anymore? is my heart dead? in the beginning i felt the energy sucked away from me, making me so empty... from laugh ing to crying out loud... why do i feel nothing now but weak and numb?

am i running away from reality and hiding instead of facing it? why am i such a coward to face it? am i really a failure? perhaps too much disappointments and too many questions that i can never answer makes me so drained that i just wana hide and hope the bad things will go away... though i know it will never happen......

i feel helpless... i could do nothing but watch.. it's like sand slipping through my hands... no matter how i grasp it just keep falling....

i think i need professional help.