the ah tor queen emerges again..

i am such a horrible person. i did it again. (*looks guilty*)

the year before last was Ivan.

last year were Gary & David

this year is Yang, Hanny and BF

I AM REALLY SORRY

not only did i make a scene, i cried like a baby too.

i felt very emotional.

maybe it's because 9 years ago, i caused my best friend to be paralyzed on a Christmas Eve.the fact that i can drink and party while he sits on a wheelchair forever made me crappy.

Maybe the fact that my company is splitting up and it will be the last time i give my boss2 his christmas gift. After all, i worked with him for at least 6 years.

Maybe i felt that i was taken granted by someone and it affects me alot.

Maybe i have been too tied up with work that dun have time to do many things.. turning alot of outings down but yet pple are forgiving..

i neglect alot of love ones around me..

like my family who dun even get to see me during this period.

the only time i have with my mum is to watch her sleep..

like my bitches who will give me time just to hear me nag and cry while i couldn't even afford to be there when they need me.

i never knew i was so AFRAID of losing our friendship. but i know that our friendship IS STRONG.

like my darling bro who would do anything but forsake me even though i threw my tantrums at him.

like all my other friends who still send me greetings sms despite me giving them the "kite" treatment.

like the rest of the world who chooses to forgive this clumsy gal even though she pisses pple off for the wrong reasons.

"Christmas is about forgiving, giving and sharing."

Thank you for being there for me.

thank you for forgiving me

thank you for giving and sharing your love

i may not be the best friend you can find, but i know u are the best gift i receive from God. Merry Christmas to all who's reading. amen.

wat's for christmas this year?

barely a wink and Christmas will be here soon! this year somehow seems to creep away really fast... from the beginning of the year till now, here are some "highlights" (in no particular order) in my life:

• major shifting in work which means NO BONUS this year.
• attempt to opt the easy way out by buying 4D and end up spending $289.
• lovely celebration for my bdae in Bali wif the girls in advance.
• a major decision to SHAVE my head in the name of charity (plenty of thanks once again)
• massive renovation activity for bf's house which some decisions get to be a "WE" instead of a "I"
• finally got a chance to fly my parents to china
• officially a mahjong addict

on going events and work just seems to keep me from festive seasons. i just hand over 2 job sites last week and one more to go this weekend. then i have to start another 3-4 more immediately. boss is running 3 himself. my weekdays and weekends are almost burned up with no scores of buying ANY presents for anyone yet...

i just feel so lost this year. nothing prepared with loads on my mind.

like my boss says: "the only break for our industry is probably only Chinese New Year"

life can be cruel when u least expect it.

i am feeling very down today. i dun know why.

i felt that my world is falling down right in front of my eyes... in a slow motion manner and yet i can't seem to reach the ends of it to push it up..

there are times when things dun get your way.
when u feel that u have been taken for a ride.
when u have been taken for granted even by the closest person in your life.
when u learnt that what u have been taught all these years from the day u were a baby is not preach the way it is.

i cried after such a long time. from sobbing to silent tears that slid across my cheeks..

cox there was a piercing pain in my heart that i wonder if how long it would take to recover....

i am not a good friend.. are you?

Didn't realised you updated your blog again after so long.. i tot you shut it down. it was just pure coincidence that i went in again to read your blog.

it hit me hard to know that u have left..
but why did you not tell us the truth when i ask you?why did you pretend that nothing happen and not share it with me?

i agree it is not that big an issue to kick up a big fuss about it. there wasn't anger but disappointment.. just loads of question marks in my head popping..

am i not doing my part as a friend? perhaps i didn't show enough concern for you to shun me away. maybe i should have make an effort to speak to you more often so there's no chance for you to drift.. i tot we have cleared the air the previous time and we promised to be truthful about our feelings..

i am wondering out loud if i've done enough to know your life.. if i am a good friend to you. i have to admit i am not...

but are you?

bingo!

been quite a while since i last blog.

busy with loads of stuff! birthday celebrations, work, mj and spending tme with gfs and bfs etc...

my boss is flying off to aussie as i am typing my post. he will be gone for a week and when he comes back it would be my turn! amazingly how we can run site this way but hey, we are a team! he's been sweet enough to let me rest for my flu while he manages everything else even though he's sick too. i felt damn guilty that i get to rest while he doesn't.. but that makes me appreciated him more and work harder for him.. hehehe

really hoping that the shanghai trip gives me time off to shop. and tonight will be the night my darling friends will "sponsor" some of the expenses thru mj. hehe

wish me luck!

XOXOXO

p/s: i strike 4D 2 weeks in a row! but hey, dun even consider asking a treat cox i bought i bet and won only 6 bucks nia.. hardly enough to cover my losses. *apes keeps fingers crossed* hope this winning luck follows me!

Happy birthday ah pa!

Today is the day

my darling "ah pa" turns 69. WOW. i dun think he's that old but last heard some rumors that he anyhow "bom" his age many years back so that he can be old enough to work and be an adult to smoke while he's underage. haha.

this year would also be my mummy's 60th birthday. and the amazing part? their marriage will turn 30 on 26th November (which is my mum's bdae!) guess they got married on her bdae so that he can remember. heh.

i have decided that this year i shall NOT give any presents to them. i will bring them over for a holiday instead. probably China or Taiwan whichever that i can afford. truthfully, these two precious are happily retired and taking care of my nephew. i think they deserve a holiday away from that lill creature. haha.

i dun come from a rich family and have earn my savings frm scrimping. i may not be the best daughter but i give my fair bit to the family. it took me a long time before i can realised their dreams of travelling. and that i feel is the least i can do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH PA! MAY YOU STAY HANDSOME ALWAYS!

i am i feel

monday blues...

latest update?

been really busy.. went for a holiday and till now my luggage is still lying around..

very soon i will be swimming across my clothes in my room again..

there are plenty of updates but i am just simply too lazy to do it.heheh so here are some "highlights"

• i was stuck in the hotel toilet for half a hour due to a lousy lock. during my holidays..


• i return back to singapore realising that pple were waiting for me to gossip!


• i had a lovely dinner with bf's family at fish market in hillcrest, courtesy of uncle Randy


• my boss has agreed to donate dollar for dollar for the Children Cancer Foundation!


• i am missing my gfs..


• "Show Luo is coming to town in Sept!"


• i need retail therapy.. badly! Robinson and CK Tang having sales!
• my Sis bdae is on 8 Sept and my dad 12th Sept


• My BF 's bdae is on 29th Aug, this wed!

Happy bdae baba pumpkins !

Mini Rambutan

as to date, it's been 20 days since i shaved my head.

just 20 days and i am beginning to feel the aftermath.

not that i regret shaving my head, i never will.

but it's the growing part that can be pretty frustrating. i am at the stage where it's neither long nor short.

option 1: wear a cap/ hat.

i comb thru the departmental stores and NONE of it fits! i was soo desperate that i had to resort to the kid's department!

option 2: wear a scarf.

i tot i could slepp later since i can wash my hair like really fast. then i realised i have to wake up earlier so that i can do a proper job tying the bloody scarf in my head...then u need to spend tons of dough to buy them.i need to have more scarves so pple dun feel that i never change my head gear. then i can't seem to find a "fashionable" one that can save me from pple asking my race. @#$^&$*@&&!!

option 3: dun wear anything ( i mean my head!)

with this new "mini rambutan" look, i feel like a recruit that is wearing office gear instead of my army uniform. on top of that, i am afraid pple mistaken me as one of the "con nuns" that cheats money. and to top it up, i have friends commenting that i looked like Bai Ling! @#^&^%(#%%####!! please.. it is not a compliment!! would u like it if pple think u look like William Hung?!

Option 4: wear a wig.

the so called best solution. just lup on the head and go. but it might also be the most stupid thing to do. just imagine going clubbing. it's crowded. then somebody knock into you and your wig drops. or u are dancing seductively and u swing too hard and the mop drops onto someone's lap?!

Gosh,somebody give me a solution...

hair for hope 2007- thank you speech

the event at velocity square would be in my memory lane forever. it was a decision that i made to join the shavees for a lill contribution back to the society.

while waiting for my turn to go on stage, the host told all of us to wave at the camera because it would be shown to a young boy that has cancer but unable to attend the event. he needs plenty of encouragement and would be a nice gesture to let him know there are so many pple who would donate for him.

**since i was a kid, i have always been known as a "hum bao" (one who cried easily)

for pple who know me well enough would know :
when watching charity show on tv- cried.
when watching touching drama- cried.
bf did a bdae surprise for me last year- cried.**

So my eyes were already rimming with tears when i was waving at the camera. i knew i couldn't pass the emotional test at all. i just find it amazing and overwhelming at that touching scene. needless to say, i cried on the stage while shaving and embarass myself.

But i still wana say a very big thank you to:

my family who has been very supportive of my sis and me. including my brave younger sis that shaved too!

She attempt to do a baby shrek!

auntie linda who came all the way with Chele's blessings of $100

Gee for being the first one to reach and waited just to give me a nice huggie support

Tk and jason for turning up right at my eyes when i sat down to shave and made me teared even more.

Jaz, mitch, beng,gary for rushing down despite being high and just a couple hours of sleep. mussle rushed down even he had family issues to resolve. seeing them made me felt good.

pple who send sms to encourage me even though they couldn't make it. *yes, yang u are one of them.* =)

my precious darling who doen't have enough sleep, still on a high and drove me all the way down. who send out massive emails and sms to get the whole world to donate for me. who would never fail to remind me that he would loved me whether i have hair or not. his family that helps to spread the words that turns into donations. *how not to love him?*

pple like beng and jason who have been protective of me online when others think it's a ridculous thing to do. *specially raj that wanted to "tio" just for me .. so sweet! *gasp, i feel like crying again...*

All that donated whether it is $1 or $1000, your generous heart is beautiful! too many names to mention

my bosses for willing to accept the fact that i would be going to site hairless for a long period of time. who is planning to match dollar for dollar for all the donations i collected! *clap clap!*

everyone else that helped to spread the word and make this donation event meaningful...

God bless beautiful souls and i love you all!

for those waiting for more pictures to come out, please be a lill patient. i have yet to gather them and the video i have is in a format that i can only seem to play with my hp. will upload once i have more pictures!

less than a week before i go bald!

my days of being a "babe" with hair are numbered.. i know i dun belong to a girl that looks good without hair cox my friends all call me lo han fish.. in case u dun know.. it's a kind of lokang fish that has really pertruting forehead..

after much thinking, i came up with more wacky reasons to shave:

i can save on shampoo and conditioner.

i can go to sleep without having to blow dry my hair. more sleeping time.

i can shower faster and dun end up late for work. which mean even more sleeping time.

i can pretend to be alien or GI Jane

i can cause my stylist to be jobless for awhile.

shavee!

i am going to shave my head on 1st july 2007. this will be my first time after i was born into the world.

i know it sound crazy to shave off all your hair for charity. loads of pple asked me to reconsider since i can donate and do community services instead. or since my sis is already doing it, one from your family represent can liao.

but i am doing it more for myself. pple who has been close to me would know that my mum undergo an operation last year due to cancer. Her case was, thank God not to the extreme where it'd like the final stage. but having her to go through all the tremors is already suffering. And in a way, it's like my way of contributing back to the society but the impact to understand is much more meaningful...

i know i will probably look weird for a period and my bf might have to suffer with a "botak" gf for a period.but i am proud to say that i have at least tried that in my lifetime.

so do give me your support by logging onto the website
www.ccf.org.sg/hfh and look out for the sisters: "Tay Pei Ling April & Tay Zhen Ping"

how to resist?

Great Singapore Sale is Officially on now. i am going to be officially broke. heh. can smell the bargains even here. my monster is growing n i have already tot of all the excuses to shop! u see, my sis bdae is coming, not forgeting karen and beng.. then u have father's day......blah blah blah.

women gets turned on by the 4 letter word.. FREE and SALE. even though i am like going to try to convince myself that i dun really need another watch or shoes but i guess i am going to end up with loads of bags on my bedroom floor again!

One way to prevent myself from spending too much is to bring Mussel.. hmmm...

hope a good weekend awaits me...

Wouldn't it be nice if the world is peaceful?

truth hurts

time seems to be moving in a speed that i was hoping to be slower. the week has flew past just like that again and it seems i haven't achieve much..

i was told recently that i am an arrogant,in considerate bitch,i mock at pple and my eyes are right at the tip of my lill head.i was told to think thru it and learn to be a better woman.

then when i confide in others, i end up being stabbed badly.
i put my trust in that person and yet he/she fail me by telling the world..

but i learn something meaningful over this period. maybe God send someone to throw a light on this teach me the way..

a person can never be too truthful in things
sometimes being too frank gets you into un necessary trouble.
it's always good to learn to be humble.
more work for you while the others slack can still let you tell the world that u can take crap rather being labelled as "lazy good-for-nothing"


here's my recent favourite:
Way back into love (Music and Lyrics)
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration 

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love 

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

i'm back!

it's been a while since i last blog...



too much things, too lill time.. before u know it it's a quarter of the year gone! loads of activities in the meantime; like mj, clubbing, dancing classes, dates etc.. not forgeting the recent pain(t) ball where everyone is a hero, specially gary.. heheh.



but the most special one would be doing photoshots with the girls at a studio on wed. baba came over for a surprise visit, but didn't even get a chance to speak to him. pictures came out pretty ok, except that i have HUGE face and body that is really hard to edit..



took plenty but can only put a few first.. trying to get the photographer to redo it for us.. heheh.. meantime, here's a few to drool on:

*oops!

attempting a do a jump model look

girl power that never

dies!

****sizzling hot!****

pillow fight!